An Extract of Terms & Conditions

We seldom realize, for example that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society.
Alan W. Watts

I didn’t read the terms and conditions that were drafted when I came into this world.
Maybe I was naïve, maybe I was hopeful, maybe I was blind.
Isn’t living life in the way it’s supposed to be lived a contract that you create yourself, and not one that’s already created for you?
I don’t know about this anymore;
All I know is that the fine print of life, with it’s big clauses & sentences of regret, have now come full circle — and they’re rearing they’re ugly head.
I should have known better, but then again, who reads the T&C’s anyway?
No one ever slows down to think that they are written in such a way that one moment — one sentence, hidden amongst the many of life, would be the one that would cause life to come to a standstill.
Even though I know the terms and conditions now, I am still in disbelief and denial that this could ever be part of the journey that is life;
Well part of my life anyways.
I hope that no one ever has to learn that this is also part of theirs — because now I feel trapped, and my future looks uncertain as it feels broken.
But you came into my life, and I now I feel like I was complacent, naive, and regret not reading these in more detail.
But how could I have known that you would also be caught up in these terms and conditions — I know you never signed up for them;
But now you are here and you didn’t turn back. So here we go.

I am sorry.
Sorry that we embarked on a tale of two;
Terms and conditions read below.
The type that you forget to read, but come back to haunt you in the worst of ways.

I am sorry.
That I reignited your hope for something more;
I was hopeful too that it wasn’t in vain — that it was always for something greater.

I am sorry.
That you feel like our time is running out;
It pains me more than you know — you are not just some summer project that one starts and never finishes — you are a project that I want to work on for years.

I am sorry.
That we have so much potential, so much of the world I want to show you — the best of it and the best of what I have to offer.
But now I do not know if I’ll ever be able to do those things.
And it brings me more pain than you know.
The dreams are surreal but the anxiety that is brewing inside me isn’t.