An Extract of Chemistry

Together, we form a necessary paradox; not a senseless contradiction.
Criss Jami

I sat in front of you, for you and with you;
Then I turned my eyes towards yours.
Maybe out of excitement, maybe out of sheer anxiety.
You were too good for me, and I was too naïve to know any better.
You looked at me, then blinked, then smiled;
I smiled back and met your gaze halfway.
I was transfixed with you and the makers that had sent you my way.
There was something in the air, maybe there always is;
But we both thought we had experienced life enough to know there was something there.
Something we couldn’t quite place our fingers on, but something nonetheless.
Call it that dangerous, distinctive, distracting and dominant word;
Chemistry.

This is the thing about chemistry;
It is a reaction of things, a surfacing of something more.
But at its core, that is chemistry, just like its namesake;
Chemical properties and composition, undergoing chemical processes;
A strong mutual attraction, attachment, or sympathy;
The complex emotional or psychological interaction between people.
But the thing that we forget to realise as humans;
Is that the reaction can be fleeting, or forever.
And we deny ourselves because it might hurt too much;
That such aforementioned chemistry might just be momentary.
Our hubris convinces us that maybe this might not be the case;
But we have never questioned those chemical reactions that occur around us.
Yet we question the timeframes of chemical reactions that occur to us, our souls and most importantly, our hearts.

And so is it ill-fated or just a reality, that these two souls that sit today;
Unbeknownst to them, will only be a chemical reaction that will come and go.
Just like so many before it, and so many to come.
It’s time to open one’s eyes, and realise that we are not above nature;
And even nature is not at a loss to realise that some reactions last but a second.
And some are here to stay, but some are here just for a moment;
And that’s just the way the universe is.
We are no greater than the universe than the small specs of dust we are.

Maybe one of these souls will realise that they are chasing the wrong things.
We chase chemistry when we should be chasing character.
The universe does not know about character — only us humans do;
For character is at the foundation of what it is to be human.
The universe will always chase chemistry over character;
Not because chemistry is greater than character.
But because it would be the universe’s hubris to think it knows of character.
Because character does not exist amongst the stars and the galaxies.
It exists amongst you and me, and its time to trade our chips.
For we must stop, and realise, that we should stop chasing chemistry;
And that, most importantly, we should start chasing character instead.
Let us make these mistakes again because we must realise that,
We must stop chasing chemistry over character.

Because chemistry won’t wake up at 3AM to console you in your heaviest grief, when you feel like there is no sunrise left in you.
Because chemistry won’t sit there to comfort you while the tears flow through empty eyes and from the heaviest of hearts.
Because chemistry won’t look at you, lock eyes, and tell you with all earnest and genuine conviction that you will get through it.
Because chemistry won’t text you to remind you in the morning that they’re here for you and to say they’re proud of you for getting through another day.
Because chemistry won’t take your hand in theirs, and keep on holding them while you sit there amongst the most darkest, unimaginable pains of life.
Because chemistry won’t tell you that they’re with you, every step of the way.
Because chemistry won’t lift you up when all you need is a stepping stone.
Because chemistry is an attraction, and character is a promise.
Because chemistry chooses to love you on the good days;
While character chooses to love you on the bad days.