An Extract of Blessings & Challenges
Mostly blessings with challenges along the way.
It’s a magical and unexplainable happening.
A friend from a past life
I was recently reacquainted with a friend from a past life.
A life that I vaguely remember, but a part my life that set up the trajectory for what lay ahead. A part that I’ve replayed a thousand and times in my head.
It formed and shaped me, more than I’d like to admit.
And it set up the obstacles and challenges that I’d spend the next decade navigating, growing from and learning in ways I didn’t know-how.
When I asked him how life had treated him;
His response was so beautiful, almost archaic;
Such little words uttered, but capturing life’s sentiments so well.
Poetic on the outside, burning with a brash truth on the inside.
And in a way it was bittersweet.
Not because of the time that had passed, not because of the sentiment;
But because I’m not sure if I feel like it applied to me.
I’ve seen so much beauty, moments of endless laughter and joy.
Experienced blessings that I know I should cherish and be in awe of’
I know that so many people may never experience such blessings.
But these also came with so many obstacles, heartaches and so much pain;
Enough to fill lifetimes worth.
And where I stand right now;
I feel the heavy mix of naivety, uncertainty and a pinch of contempt.
I do not know if life thus far has been a blessing in disguise;
A disguise I cannot look past, or have not figured out yet.
Or if it was just a succession of experiences that forged who I am today.
Am I just jaded, that the blessings of my life are lost;
Lost amongst the condemnations of self and the never-ending obstacles.
Or is it that I have become the Sisyphus of my own life.
That my own truths and shortcomings have become so heavy;
That I too, cannot free myself from them.
And that I am banished to spending the next decade trying to destroy the shackles of my past, to face my irrational, to keep following my longing.
Deep down, I know the answer to this;
It is the point where the blessings of life outweigh the challenges.
There is a peace, a contentment that comes with this;
Knowing that life has given more than it has taken.
It is knowing that although life has taken you to the darkest places;
That you have triumphed and lit up these places with brilliant radiance.
That although you came across these points in the map that is life;
You made sure to explore, to conquer and to find hope and consciousness in these senseless places, these places of unreasonable silence.
Alas, I am not there yet.
And only when I am will I be able to be at peace with the poignant, raw and beautiful words of this friend.
I feel my heart become heavier when I realise this;
Not because life is such, that I am paralyzed and all is lost.
But because somewhere deep inside;
There is fear, there is uncertainty and there is a man who is devoid of hope and consciousness;
And so comes face to face with parts of him that have ceased to belong to a future that he recognises.
He does not know how much more is yet to climb;
He does not know how much more the heart can bear;
He does not know how heavy the burdens yet to come will be;
He does not know if he will find the energy to keep climbing and conquering.
And though he knows that there is scarcely any passion without struggle;
How much can one struggle before the heartbreaks beyond what is repairable?
It is said that the most beautiful people are the one’s that have known defeat.
Known enough suffering, and struggle, and loss — to drown them;
Yet still have found a way out of these depths and rises out of the ashes.
Only to be rewarded with the greatest gift — one that washes all of it away.
The gift of appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life;
One that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.
So I ask, O Lord, when will I finally be at the resting place.
Where the blessings and challenges come together;
In the beautiful ways that they were destined to.
I ask when I will look back at the face staring back at me;
And see nothing but beauty.
